You may be growing an online business and having problems moving forward towards the goals you were hoping to achieve. Fear is one of the biggest obstacles that keeps people stuck. Facing fear is challenging, especially with the stories we tell ourselves – you know, the ones that are negative and tell us we are not good enough, no one would want to hear what we have to say, they will be judging me – a hard pill to swallow.
Bob Heilig is a professional network marketer and helps others build their businesses. At his recent conference, he shared a technique called red light/green light stories; that is an area where we create these stories that either paralyze us or will move us forward.
Naturally, we are hard-wired to look at and focus on the negative. If you
think about it, people usually submit a comment card when they want to
complain. It’s rare when you hear the positive chatter.
With growing your business, you know what you should be doing, but for some reason you are not. Maybe you are not doing anything or just not doing what you need to consistently. That lack of progress creates negative feelings about yourself, you start to doubt yourself and feel discouraged, and you definitely feel stuck.
Why do we make ourselves feel this way? Why do we create negativity around something that we are passionate about – something that we want to invest our time in to be able to grow and become successful? Why do we build up our own walls?
I want to help you answer these questions and give you tools to build a framework to get passed it – it is centered on the red light and green light stories.
If you are feeling stuck, it’s most likely due to one big reason – you’re unwilling to
face your greatest fear – a fear that you have built up in your mind – it’s about the
thing that you want, but you keep avoiding.
You know you need to do it because it will create success, create that achievement and create the impact. It is a red light story that paralyzes you from so many great opportunities.
It is really sad to miss out on those great opportunities. Can you imagine what impact you would have on others – and yourself – if you would create a green light story to replace the red light one?
I hope you’ll be able to move passed the stories you tell yourself. I always hope I get passed the stories I tell myself!
The stories I start to tell myself would happen when I thought more about
growing my business; reaching out and speaking with someone about a new
product or sharing the business opportunity. I would start to build
up the story of why it’s going to fail, why they wouldn’t be interested,
or why I was going to be made fun of. Again, our human nature is to
go towards the negative story.
We build up a sphere with a red light story and we don’t take action. It’s not fun to chase negativity or fear, but we create that story. We chose the thoughts before we have spoken to that person – a negative story about what could possibly happen, but it hasn’t happened…you never even took that step forward! A red light story was created, that stopped you in your tracks, to take any action.
A green light story is what you need to choose that tells yourself about the situation. Recognizing that you need to create a green light story may take some time – some situations will be harder to identify and some will be very obvious.
How many times do you lay in bed at night and build up a story? When
we’re faced with fear, a struggle, or challenge, we make up a story
around it and it keeps you from taking action and keeps you where you
are or maybe even has you falling behind. That would be your red light
story.
Or…you can create a story that empowers you to feel the fear but still take the action. That is a green light story.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE AS TO THE THOUGHTS YOU THINK! There is no difference between someone who is super successful and people that are not successful because both people feel fear. The difference is that successful people will condition themselves to think positive and to create the green light stories.
Start putting mindful action into play in your day-to-day. When you catch yourself in a self-limiting story, what is the story you are telling yourself, what is the red light story?
With common situations, where you have created a green light story –vs- a red light story, think of the person you have become in the process of taking action and moving forward by overcoming your fears.
Overcoming your fears is the greatest gift you can give yourself and to others who need you. In order for you to thrive in your business, you have to lead by example. This includes not making excuses for yourself or for others. You need to become the person that takes responsibility in your own life – that takes responsibility of your choice of action, your thoughts, and the self-limiting stories that you choose.
Think and believe that you always have the power to make things different.
A quick technique is you can always reframe the story with a story. For
example, if you have an objection where someone comes up and confronts
you about something you are nervous to talk about, if you come up with
a story that validates their concern and also shows possibility and proof,
there is no argument.
When I was first told about the coaching opportunity that I am involved with by a friend, she told me how I could do this business and she focused first on the sale of supplements. At that time in my life, I did not want to be a person that was focused on sales and I definitely didn’t want to have to push supplements-virtual supplements – where people were going to be paying a monthly fee to be a part of the company to get the discount. For me, it didn’t make sense.
A year later, the opportunity was presented to me again, but in a different way. That’s when I saw the reality of what could be. It was because she presented what I was going to do and I saw the opportunity and vision for what is possible. The possibility to develop a business that would change my life and others’ lives. Now it made sense for me to do the business. My fear of sales almost derailed me from the opportunity.
The story validates that the way the opportunity is presented is most important. My vision for their business is not necessarily their vision. The value in presenting the opportunity is to really expand the opportunity for someone to look at for themselves. They can create the story and the vision of what they see as possible.
The most simple way to do that is to not try to explain to someone
what your opportunity or product will do for them. Share the information
by a video or other information that share the details about the product
or opportunity and how it will benefit them. Let them make the decision
and be the person that’s available to help them with questions.
When you really want to make something happen, you’ll do whatever it takes to find a way; you will change any circumstance that is in your way to make it happen.
You’ve probably already done this in your life in different areas with things you’re very passionate about. Sometimes it is a very important decision that you had to make happen (or not happen), but it may not always apply to all areas of your life…and…why not? Why can’t you chose to make your life happy?
Let me give you some examples of red light stories that you may relate to.
Let’s start with this first example and it is about someone who is choosing to work out and eat healthy and you will assist them in a program to be their healthiest self. You’re inviting someone to be a part of your training group, your nutrition group, and/or your workout program and to do it with accountability. A red light story that person may tell themselves is that “this is just a busy time of year,” “I’ve got kids in sports,” “school is going to be getting out,” “we’re moving,” “my spouse is getting a new job,” “it’s just going to be crazy,” “I can’t focus on following a program and being a part of your group,” “I will when we are settled in.” Those are all red light stories as to why they cannot be part of your accountability group.
A green light story is necessary to the person who really wants to make a
change in themselves. Someone that doesn’t like feeling like they do – they
don’t like that they cannot wear what they want to wear when they go into
their closet – they feel self-conscious about themselves because they’ve
gotten out of the habit of making healthy choices. If it was really important
for them to actually make those changes in their lives, they would change
that self-limiting red light story.
The reality is that we have busy lives! Why is it a choice to not work out or to work out as part of their lives? With all the red light excuses, can’t they just choose to get healthier? Not waiver as to “should I get healthy or shouldn’t I get healthy?”
The reality is that the person will look at the situation and find a socially acceptable excuse as to why they’re not in the shape they want to be in. For them, it’s the perfect opportunity to have fast food, to not fit in exercise, to not think or plan about healthy choices, during the crazy busy time.
Of course you are busy and you don’t have time to work out…I TOTALLY GET IT!
Oh, you’re moving. It must be crazy. You’re probably living out of fast food containers…I TOTALLY GET IT!
No wonder you aren’t in shape or healthy.
The truth is that it is an excuse.
If it is important to you, you would definitely find a way to make it happen.
A green light story for this scenario would be that it is more important to plan and choose healthy food to avoid getting sick during this time, to not feel exhausted, to have energy to move and do this, and to also not let another month pass by where you are feeling like you are not moving toward your goals. In actuality, it is one of the most vital times where you can focus on getting it in so that you can make those actions happen.
It’s your story. It’s your choice to think what you think.
Another example is where someone is wanting to build their business and their common complaint, negative thinking or excuse to their Mentor/Coach might be that “I am doing everything to grow this business. I spend so much time online promoting the products, promoting the groups and the opportunity and no one is interested.”
That is a red light story they’re telling you and telling themselves. They are limiting themselves. How can they change that story? How can they choose to take forward action and face the fear of what they’re feeling? What are they really feeling?
The truth might be that they need to face the reality of disorganization
or that they’re not following through in doing actionable business items.
It’s easy to let the day go by – I do it every so often myself. I have a
plan and I know what I need to do for the day but, before I know it, the
day has flown by and all I can remember that I accomplished was that I
added a lot of things into my Amazon cart, shopping for another dress,
website surfing through Facebook and getting caught up in some conversations
in a group. I had many tabs open that day, but I really didn’t do any
actionable items that would move my business forward.
If they are saying that they are spending the time and doing everything they can and no one is interested – how can that be possible? We KNOW this works – it’s working for a lot of people – so how would it not be working for someone they know?
THEY ARE GETTING IN THEIR OWN WAY! They have an underlying fear that is limiting them from taking small actions that would actually grow their business. Instead they putz around online. They don’t take that risk to learn more that would help them grow and become more of a professional, to be a success, to stand up and stand out and tell the world what they’re doing with competence.
A fear can be identified and it could be different for everyone.
- The fear could be the fear of being judged.
- The fear could be that they have failed in other things before,
so they tell themselves that they are probably going to fail in
this again. - The fear could be that they don’t like to ask people for money.
There are many different fears of why it’s not working for them, but if they really want to make it work, they have to come up with a green light story. You have to face yourself and be real in the story you’re telling yourself.
A green light story to help their business grow would be, “I will use a checklist and a timer when I sit down to do my business, and will check things off of my list as I do them. These activities are going to be followed-through with in the time that I’ve allotted.”
If you are working off of a checklist and you have to complete one item before you can move on to the next, your’e going to do that one actionable item, which will keep you organized in the time allotment that you have. Using a checklist is definitely going to move your business forward. How can it not?
However, I do have to add this because of mentoring coaches for many years; working with entrepreneurs now for 18 years in their own businesses and also with the coaching business that I’ve been with for almost 10 years. One of the biggest areas that I can identify that keeps someone working small or in a box is not developing and growing themselves professionally.
You have to grow your mind in a leadership position for self-belief and possibility.
YOU HAVE TO GROW OUTWARDLY NOW – you have to do foundational activities that will scale to your growing business. It is what I am doing. It’s an opportunity that has a proven system for success. It’s a system to follow. After you have followed it and you’re getting the habits of productivity engrained inside of you, that is when you make it your own.
You always start with a proven concept and then add your own twist after you start to see results. You want it to feel like you.
An additional red light story…
“I don’t know how to use Instagram so I won’t be able to grow my business. Since, apparently that’s where you’re supposed to grow your business – all online these days.” Well, the truth is if you keep telling yourself you don’t know how to use Instagram, you are not going to learn how to use it. Another truth is that you are scattered, you have a low attention span and you have a negative mindset.
If you truly believe that Instagram is going to help you grow your business and you want to learn it, it’s going to take time. Your obstacle is that you just don’t know, so you’re just not going to grow. Accept that thinking and accept it as your failure. That is the choice you choose to think.
The green light story to that red light story would be, “I don’t know Instagram
but I am going to dedicate 15 minutes after dinner for this entire week and
I’m going to pick one feature on Instagram and research it. I am going to really
understand how to use that one feature.” You could be organized and choose to
take small bite-sized steps forward. Nobody says you have to be perfect. Nobody
says that you have to know it all before you use it. It is taking actionable step
to move forward and face that fear.
If you don’t know something, you’re never going to know it unless you do it.
A red light story about starting or developing your online business might be the fear of cost or the fear of being judged. Fear that no one is going to be interested. Common red light stories that you will hear people say when they’re trying to grow their business online or are considering starting one. That’s their personal deep fear.
If growing or starting a business is important to them, they would create a green light story. The green light story could be as simple as a positive viewpoint of this business opportunity.
If you begin an opportunity in a negative way:
-
- The fear of being judged by other people
- The fear of putting yourself out there or of no one being interested
- The fear that it’s going to cost you money to be able to do it
You have created that negative story for yourself.
On the positive side, what positive things could possibly happen? You could potentially meet a lot of new, amazing people.
You can help impact one person’s life by being out there and putting your business out there. You can increase your sense of purpose.
You can choose the negative to think, but all you have to do is take a step back and ask yourself, “what are you really afraid of?” The fear of failure is a pretty vague phrase. A more tangible root cause of their “fear of failure” is, “I’m afraid I’m not going to make any money, I’m afraid I’m not confident enough or experienced enough to put myself out there, I’m afraid of starting something new that I don’t know anything about.”
Those are valid fears, but who defines what you’re actually going to do with it? Who defines what success means? YOU!!! No one says you have to make ‘x’ amount of money before you have success. No one says that you have to be a certain “rank” or you are not a success. What feels good to you? If you’re doing this, what would feel good to you?
I want to leave you with this…imagine if you couldn’t fail? You may have hear that before but think about – stop for a moment – with what you really want to do, what are you doing? What’s holding you back?
Remove it all!
What if you couldn’t feel? What if there was no fear?
Would you be well? Where would you live? What would you be doing every day? It is a pretty amazing that we can choose our thoughts – either red light or green light thoughts. I love the green light days, don’t you?
Here’s your homework. Start catching yourself whenever you come up with a red light story. Pause. Reframe it. What is the fear about now? What is your green light story in this situation?
The green light story is the truth that can dissipate our fears and make it happen.
I appreciate you following. Please be sure to share this on social media and with your team.
Thank you so much!
Christine Dwyer =D